It's storming terribly outside and I think it's wonderful. I'm not quite sure what it is I love about thunder and lightning storms, how peaceful they make me feel. I think it might have something to do with how destructive they can be... tear it all down and rebuild. Cleanse.
That is all I want to do. I want to get out of this city that has not done much good for me at all. I haven't done much since I have been here but spend money, drink an ungodly amount of alcohol, become more and more reclusive, carry a chip on my shoulder because spending any amount of time in a public space in NYC (read: THE SUBWAY SYSTEM) will turn anyone into a defensive, cranky and semi-anxious asshole.
I know there are a million and one things to do in this city. I know there are plenty of wonderful people to meet (I have met a lot of them), many many many free things to see and do (I have done most of them), and endless opportunities for growth (I have grown up a lot, myself). I am just done here. I have not found what I am looking for in the almost three years I have been here, and I'm not doing anything but getting older and disappointed.
It's time to unplant my feet from the ground and move on. Travel. Get some *real* culture. Use my hands. Get dirty. Write a true story. Take photos to go with said true story. Cry. Get scared. Fall in love. Get creative. Feel helpless. Move around. Find peace.
So in the Spring of 2012 I will be taking a huge backpack full of the very bare necessities (most importantly a notebook and a camera and film) and going to Europe, with whomever wants to come. I am moving out of this city that I love and hate so much, and moving in with my mom for a year to save up for this trip. I am beyond excited, and terrified. But I need a challenge, life is dull here.
On another note, here are some of my latest photos. All July/August 2010 with 3200 speed B&W film in my Nikon FM10. Brooklyn/Long Island/North Country, NY.
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